OCD+ADD=OMG



I said, and I quote, "What's all this I hear about boycotting BP? So because one rig made a huge mistake we're going to put millions into unemployment? Geeze -..-" I followed a statement that 'BP had to be punished' with "That's a tad illogical. BP is a company. The crew on the rig are the ones who made the mistake. I'm guessing they are paying. And no ammount of punishment will fix the problem -..-" This is a statement that I still believe and stand by.


I've always felt that I could discuss anything with Scamp, because we've always discussed anything with one another before. We didn't always agree, but it didn't seem to matter. I thought her friendship was worth more than our differences... which is how I see all my friends. But then this came up and she seemed to get furious with me... Several things were said. I felt that I stated my opinions objectively. But Scamp said several things as well, and a lot of it seemed as though is was to purposefully hurt me.



She posted that she didn't want 'to hear people on their high horse, preaching' which I certainly didn't think I was doing. I thought I was stating my opinion. She also said that since I'm not physically there I have no right to my opinion... which is not only ludicrous, but hurtful. So, because I've moved that means the place I was born and raised in, the place I spent 25 years growing in, and learning how to live life in, is suddenly none of my business? I can't have an opinion about it because I've moved? I replied with "dont think for an instant that I've forgotten the wetlands. I just understand that no ammount of punishment will make it right. You can punish BP all you want. When your villian is gone, you'll still have oil in your wetlands. Forgive me for seeing a biger picture. It'll only put millions of families into unemployment if you just focus on punishment." She said that she was 'standing up for people who couldn't stand up for themselves'.... to which I replied, "And btw, this is a discussion over twitter. You aren't really standing up for anyone. You're tweeting"... she then said that if I was there she'd say it to my face, which ... wasn't what I meant at all. After all, saying or not saying anything to my face doesn't really qualify as 'standing up for' anyone or anything. It's just talking. To stand up for anything, it actually requires that you do something. And all we were doing was talking.



I was then told that I shoved Christianity down her throat, another thing I don't remember, and that our friendship was under a strain...another thing I was unaware of. I loved it when she'd text me and ask me to listen to her talk about her ideas... I loved working through those ideas with her until she reached a conclusion. And she helped me too. I'd always thought of her as my friend despite our difference and I thought she considered me the same... distance was never an issue either. At least not to me.

She then ended the whole thing with a simple 'see you' and deleted her Twitter account.




I was hurt by everything that was said, but I breathed through it and reasoned that she's probably too sensitive about the issue right now (at least, the whole BP oil spill issue) to look at it objectively, being in the thick of it and all. It still hurt that she couldn't see that any fool who turned on the news, and understood that area, would see and be affected by the situation. I swear, I saw the pictures on the Yahoo news page of the brown pelican covered in oil and I just collapsed into sobs...I told myself to just let her breath, take a breath myself... feel the pain and hope that some time would help us both....



Then Scamp posted a huge entry in her journal saying, essentially, that her friends never treated her as well as she thought, and it was only in looking back that she realized it. She mentioned that some of them talked behind her back, and she always heard about it, and she said that people saw her as a friend of leisure...she also said that some people complain that their friends forget them and she didn't understand why they treated her the same way. She didn't name names, I noticed and after reading it I concluded that it had nothing to do with me. There was another few posts, one of which was deleted, but I still was too hurt to comment. I couldn't say anything because every time it just hurt and depressed me.



But then I began to wonder.... is she talking about me? Because that can't really be possible. I treat her badly? I neglect her? I talk behind her back? I treat her as a friend of leisure? No... I certainly wasn't a friend of leisure every time she mentioned that she needed a break and I drove 4 hours to pick her up and bring her to my place. Considering gas prices, it wasn't convenient but it was always worth it because being with her is fun and I always enjoyed it, despite the fact that I had to go out of my way and get her. I would say it also wasn't 'convenient' to pay for everything - every meal and every movie we went to. And believe me, meals at Zen weren't always cheap. And the many gifts that I got for her? The 50th anniversary edition Lord of the Rings and leather-bound Hobbit (books I didn't have for myself, I bought them for myself later). Or I wouldn't say that I'd forgotten about her when I won the once a month drawing for Figure Prints and automatically thought, "I gotta get Fallena for Scamp!!".... These were all things that I just did without even thinking about them, because it just seemed natural. I certainly don't remember ever talking behind her back about her, though I got a few lectures from people about her talking about me and Mom behind our backs.... should I believe all those horrid things that were told to me? 


I texted Reiko, a simple message 'Am I a difficult friend?' She immediately called me back, asking why the hell I would ask. I explained what was going on. There were several 'what!''s  on her part, but I told her to think about it, because I hate to just dismiss someone's words... I asked her if she thought our friendship was strained because we were so far apart. There was a pause and then several expletives later, Reiko had heartily assured me (in her own way) that she couldn't fathom it. That she and I had been friends since she was 9 and that even though we were so different, she'd always thought of me as her closest friend.

I told her that maybe I should call more often, but I feel like I'm the one with no life, so I'd just be bothering everyone. I mean, Reiko has her job and her husband... Scamp has various ailments and I hate the thought that I'd bother her when she's in pain, and she's also got a fiance that she's separated by a greater distance than me, so... I feel like I might call and interrupt them or something... And Chibi...well, Chibi's always been so busy with school and she rarely answers her cell anyway... so. Feeling insignificant has made me hesitant to call, and being ignored a lot has made me feel as though when no one is talking to me nothing is out of order. It's not like I have a lot to report, so why bother calling or e-mailing? 

Reiko told me to call her whenever, and not to even worry about anything. So at the very least, I know that she doesn't feel I've behaved badly (Oh yeah, and Reiko was in Louisiana after a cousin's wedding, and she had the nerve to tell me she was eating crawfish -..- cruel girl). It made me feel a little better, but it still really didn't resolve the issue.

It feels like a tornado I'm just being swept up into, and I keep going round and round and round....And the more I go, the more hurt I am that all those good times are gone. Either way I look at it, I can't help but feel hurt and betrayed and cheated. And because I'm so hurt by it all, I just sit here and tell myself not to react. But I'm not feeling any better. I resolve not to be miserable, but even thinking about it is like gouging and new wound.

I don't really know what to think anymore. I'm just... hurt and confused. And I really just want to take a breath, and go back to how things were. But, I'm not sure if it will anymore...

. . . .

!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I was livid. Infuriated. Pissed.

Ok, let me just say... I don't like going to lakes. I don't love boating, don't hate it, but if I had a choice I wouldn't squee for it. The idea of swimming about in a lake, doesn't thill me because I've been in lakes before. They're no where NEAR as good as rivers, because there's no water flow. There's tons of sun, and sunblock never really seems to work. Also, I spent a few hours with the Boyd family yesterday; I knew I was going to be spending most if not all day with them tomorrow.... I was really looking forward to breaking away with Mom and having fun on our own. Don't get me wrong, I love this family ... but, I value my solitude. I also value set plans. I hate to deviate from plans, and doing so last-minute really bothers me.

So... I was upset for those reasons, but those were really contributing factors... nothing really upset me more than the fact that they made a decision on plans, last minute... without me. Plans that concerned me. Then imposed their decision on me. I had been in a fairly decent mood yesterday when they wanted to go boating. I didn't want to go, but I decided to be a good sport about it. And then, that was canceled. I had spent my time with them and enjoyed it (as much as I could with the kids and all), and then that had been it. I knew I'd see them Saturday, so I wasn't really bummed about not going boating. I've mentioned all the things I don't like about it. So having that forced onto me after I'd happily left it all behind instead of something I knew I'd enjoy... without so much as consulting me? I was pissed!

Am I just being bitchy about this? Is it really wrong of me to feel angry over it? Or am I just wrong for being upset? I stewed over it as I was straightening out my hair... I told them that I had no desire to go, which was always followed by, "Well we really wish you would." I do remember saying with as much finality as I possibly could "Well I don't want to." I end the conversation with a refusal, but after I thought about it, I called and said if they hadn't left yet, I'd hurry over. It came down to the idea of going under sufferance as opposed to staying home and Mom having to put up with Dad's sulks... well... I didn't want to behave like a stubborn 5 year-old either. But it really boiled down to which behavior was more noble... I guess. Still, I think that from now on, if they make a decision without me, they should expect to execute that decision without me =..=

I didn't sulk about or whine, but if anyone were to ask me if I enjoyed myself, I would have to say 'No'. I road on the boat. I swam in the water. I was generally pleasant. But many things contributed to me not enjoying myself on top of the reasons that I already knew. When Dad went to heft me into the boat, I landed directly on my left knee, gave myself rug burn and a welt, and I can't walk without a limp. Moreover, sunburn's a bitch. On top of that, lake water is disgusting. After getting home, I showered immediately because I was covered in grit. So all of that made the day not good at all. But... at least I wasn't unpleasant about it.

So, after a shower and a bit of a sleep, I was starving. I texted Mom, asking if she had plans for supper, then I realized what I really wanted was Subway. So, I retexted saying I wanted Subway and asked if she wanted something. She called and said she wanted a salad, and Dad popped over to give me money for his sandwich and Mom's salade. It was a quick trip, but I had to put on a pair of jeans, and Oh Dear GOD! That welt on my knee had swollen a bit and the entire thing is red from the rug burn too... every time I took a step where my knee bent, it was on fire and just... hurting -..- I got home and took it easy whenever I could. Still...s'not the nicest of sensations. I did ice it this evening though. Once I got home.

I remember drinking two 16 ounce water bottles in an hour and a half period too... o..o
I know water's good for you, and yeah I switched to drinking water entirely months ago, but I've never drank that much all at once. Really, it was just two bottles one after the other.

Sooo... tomorrow is the family bar-b-q with the Boyd's and then the ice cream social with the church... followed by fire works. I'm hoping that Mom and I will head to Branson sometime next week. Preferably Monday... I'll have to hurry up with that research for the trip.

So... Jackson Rathbone is going to be Sokka in the live-action Avatar movie... and this is a movie directed by Shyamalan... hmm. Interesting. I'm really curious to see how this develops :) That has been the random thought for the day.

Aaaand, I've got nothing else. I'll write later, Sunshines.

What Your Cupcake Says About You

At parties, you stand out from the crowd. You're a fairly unusual person, and you can't hide it. You have a fair amount of restraint in your life, but you don't go overboard. You let yourself enjoy life. The most important thing in your life is love. You are laid back, flexible, and easy to get along with. To know you is to care for you.

The Cupcake Test

 

---

Saturday was good. Well, as good as it gets I suppose. I cleaned my house (sans doing dishes). And I put on Firefly watching it as Harvey vacuumed the floor. I actually finished the whole series. Reiko called sometime...it was late in the afternoon. She said she was at her parent’s place and she’d come by in an hour or so, if that was alright. Of course it was fine. I took my shower and dried my hair and all. Reiko dropped by and we watched the last bit of Tinman. We talked a bit and clowned around. She said she’d come to church with me the next day, and told me to call her.

Sunday, I called her around 9ish to make sure she was alive. We met up at church later and waited it out. Then...we had wings! We were gonna go to the official wing place, which is the embodiment of awesome, but they were not open. So we settled for WingStop. I got 20 Hawaiian and she got 20 Reg. Hot. And after gorging ourselves and watching Slayers Try, we suited up (I did at least) and jumped in her parent’s swimming pool. They have an above ground swimming pool…salt water, curiously enough, and we frolicked, played and lounged about in it for about 2 hours.

Then around 5ish, my eyes began to strobe. Dark motes were swimming over them and there was an intense pressure in my eyes. That, Ladies and Men-folk, is my body’s way of warning me that a migraine is imminent. I told Reiko goodbye and explained to her parents that it was just one of those things. I drove home, trying to focus as best I could on the road. I took a quick shower, ate some frosted-wheat cereal, and took a pill. Unfortunately, by then the migraine was in full flair, and even the pill I took was little relief at all. I have to say, this is by far one of the worst migraines I’ve had. My eyes hurt so bad, and there was a tremendous throbbing and pressure in my nose and along the back of my skull. I was sensitive to light, sound taste and my stomach was so upset. I had diarrhea too, and for someone who has IBS and bad bowels anyway, they know the difference between loose stool and water flowing through them. It was the latter for me, and there was little comfort or relief to be found. So, I laid up in my bed, where it was dark till around 7ish. I took some extra strength alieve then and it seemed to help a bit (no doubt that combined with the meds I’d taken early was enough to beat it down to slightly bearable).

I know I feel asleep...but I was woken up around 9 to the gentle tune of Sweet Home Alabama. My borrowed cell has that as a ring tone. It was Mom, calling to ask how things were…which was kinda funny….in that, “I’ll look back at this and it’ll be funny”, way... But at the time, it scared me out of my wits. We had a short talk, and she confirmed that Dad would be coming tomorrow some time. He would leave around 8ish, so he’d probably get here sometime around 9 Monday night. Which means, I really need to go to the store and get some tape to wrap his gift =..= I used to have rolls and rolls of tape, and then Mom decided to “borrow” it for the move. I never see tape again.

Anyway...I realized it was 9 and I hadn’t taken my regiment of pills. So I took them, and then passed out. Slept great, too. I could still sleep actually...There’s a lingering effect of drowsiness along with this pressure in my head that increases when I stand up and walk around. Not pleasant, but since I work sitting down, typing, not totally debilitating. Dad will be down around 9 tonight, but other than that, I have no plans tonight. Other than giving him his gift. I hope today goes smoothly and I can actually last the full work day. Those migraines are starting to become more common, and they make it impossible to sit up straight, much less get anything accomplished.

Must be signing off now, before my strained span of consciousness gets taxed again. I’ll talk to ya’ll later (I hope). Bah-bye, Sunshines

 

---

Beware, for I am: Drained

Thank God that today is ending. /Sigh I've gone from anger, to frustration, to depression, to resignation, to sardonic humor, and at this point, I’m just too damn tired to feel anything. So. And update from when I last left you. I finally got in touch with this Think All Publishing place. Turns out, I’ve been billed at least 3 times a month since November. So all-in-all, I’ve lost about $180 to these people. It’s times like these when I wish I could just forget all about my Christianity. But then I remind myself that I walked right into this scam and there really is nothing I can do but be resentful. And what good would that do me in the long run? So, aside from being extremely disappointed in myself for allowing myself to be duped (Paul did say to work hard that no one should deceive you after all), that crisis is pretty much averted. On the good end of the spectrum, I did get my income tax checks in, and they were enough to make the Think All disaster virtually ineffective on my account. During my call to the Think All people, I politely requested that they cancel my subscription (or whatever it is they call it), and have received an e-mail verifying said cancellation. That doesn’t mean I won’t be looking for these people on my next bank statement, but at least I have an e-mail as proof now that it should be canceled.

After dealing with that unpleasant matter, I settled in to watch Robotech. A full start-to-finish thing ending whenever I should finish the Invid saga. I was interrupted half way Mom. Sees Bub (my brother in Oklahoma who’s in college) has found this new thingy called a Green Dot card. Basically he has this card that he bought from Wallgreens, and you can put any amount of money on the card and it only cost like $4.95 to reload it. So, he figures if we get a Green Dot card, and load it, then transfer the money he needs for rent and tools (usually a once-a-month expense but lately, who can say?), it’d be easier than sending said cash in cards. Mom likes to get encouraging cards and send the cash in those. The cards are thicker so they hide that there’s money in them and all that. Plus it’s just sentimental. Well, Mom’s very dubious about the whole thing. Why? Because Bub said three little words…It’s Really Easy. Any time someone remarks on how easy a process is, it will invariably become a troublesome process when my mother tries it. It’s not really her fault. She’s just not very inept when it comes to learning new things. She forgets everything too, so when it comes to doing something she hasn’t done recently, she forgets that too.

So, we head on down to Walgreens and we pick up the card right away. We ask the cashier about the whole process and she flippantly tells us that it’s easy and it’s outlined on the back of the card. We shopped a bit for some other things that we needed. Nothing big, just little things, you know. Then we headed to McDonnalds. Mom wanted a vanilla ice cream cone. The nearest one said their ice cream machine was down, so we went all the way on the other end of town to get one. Their ice cream machine was down as well. Turns out they clean their ice cream machines all on the same day. Today. So they were all down. Aggravated Mom to no end, I tell you. So we ended up going to the Snow ball stand not two streets over from our own. I got a snow cone (Coffee flavored with condensed milk) and Mom finally got to have her ice cream cone. We came home, turned on the watering hoses so the flowers could get a good drink, and set about the arduous task of this ‘easy’ Green Dot card.

...

Don’t you know...it wouldn’t work. We tried doing it over the phone. We tried doing it on the net. We tried putting in several different numbers (they gave us 2 receipts with numbers, maybe those were the correct numbers) we put in Bub’s card number, we put in our card number. Finally Bub calls. Mom tells him the situation and says she’s gonna call the store manager and see what he thinks. He tells us to come down to the store (again) and he’ll do it right from the store.

...

He couldn’t do anything with it. That made me very happy. It only aggravated Mom more, but I found it very refreshing that we were not the problem. So I called Bub (because by them Mom was so upset about the whole thing she didn’t want to talk to anyone), and I told him that the manager told us to come back in the morning and talk to the head manager, because he couldn’t make a refund on a purchase that big.

The whole problem with my Mom is that she feels stupid. She always feels like she doesn’t know what she’s doing and she’s stupid. Everyone else can do things so easily and she just feels inadequate because when she tries they’re terribly hard. My brother is a know-it-all with a tendency to talk down to others. Throw these two together in this situation, and you’re gonna have some hurt feelings. She started going on how she wish she could just never do anything on the computer again, because if she didn't then she wouldn't have to feel stupid. I told my mom that I thought she was a great woman before she got to e-mail and technology and I thought she'd be just fine without it if that's what she prefered. If all she wants for her computer is a glorified game box, then that's all it has to be for her. It's fine with me. /sigh she was sullen and quiet for the rest of the evening...make me sick. I hate it when things come and take the light right out of her eyes.

The only good points about today: 1) We got some Hershey’s Cookies ‘n Cream candy bars (my new favorites). 2) CSI: Miami was very good. 3) The day is over, and soon I can sleep.

I hope tomorrow is better...It just has to be /sigh. Goodnight.

I'm an Evening Sky.



Cool and comforting, you're a brisk evening sky. You figure you've got the same number of hours every day, why waste them sleeping late or hitting the bed early? The most active hours of the day your comfort zone; morning and night are simply time to warm up and cool down.

What sky are you?

Take Other Caffeine Nebula Quizzes

---

MM

And on that wonderful note, I’m gonna end it there. I’m tired, I’m slightly upset, and I have nothing to say. However, as I am very ritualistic...here is your quiz.

Cocktail


?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

---

...it’s times like this I wish I did drink. *sigh*

MM

I’m so hurt right now, I don’t even know if I should write. But if I don’t I may just not touch this thing in hopes of not having to explain, and then it’ll go dormant. So, here goes.

Got to work early today, as usual. I got there around 8:45 a.m., and couldn’t even get in ‘cause the door only lets you in at certain times. I wasn’t scheduled till 9:15 so, I guess it just didn’t expect me. I went in at 8:55 and had to turn on all the lights ‘cause they were all out. Then I realized that the computer we use to clock in wasn’t working right. So, I went over to the office to ask a manager to fix it, since only they can, and then I found out I was the only one there. Travis showed up at 9:15, and I told him the dilemma. No manager, no keys, no way to do anything. We did what we could, but it wasn’t much of anything at all. Chad, our opening manager, came in around 9:30. The manager’s schedule is not the same as the employees, so basically we’re all screwed. It wasn’t 10:45 till we actually got all the stuff we need (keys, walkie-talkies, game plans, etc) to open. After rushing to fix both myself and concession’s hot dogs, I gathered up everything I needed and headed into the café just as they were opening the doors of the theater.

I set up in café and then lingered a bit, reading, tending to customers etc. Then I realize that all the theaters are letting out and there are only 2 ushers. One usher is always supposed to stay at the podium so that he/she can tear tickets for guests as they come in. So that left one usher to clean. So I helped the usher (Britney) clean, and we were joined occasionally by the other usher whenever someone else could hold the podium. We went all over the place, and going up and down the stairs and bending over to sweep caused my sciatic nerve to start acting up again. When I finally looked up, the café needed hot dogs, because in my absence Mrs. D, one of our managers, had been taking care of the café for me. I went and made 44 hot dogs – 30 of concessions who needed to restock as well, and 14 for me.

Then Chad called me into the office. I wondered what could be so important, but I went since I don’t like to keep the managers waiting when they do deign to call. When I got to the office he informed me that he had to write me up for two things.

Last night I had jumped onto a box office cash register to help box office with lines. They discovered that I was $7.00 short, which, in my opinion, they should be glad it wasn’t $27.00 short. I don’t work well with large sums of money and large crowds. I feel stressed out and claustrophobic and I’m not as efficient as I should be. The whole reason I’ve been moved to café is because of my ‘huge money, huge crowd’ issues. I can’t work box because of it, I can’t work concessions or usher because of health problems, yet they always call me to help when they screw up and don’t have enough people scheduled. Then I either limp away or they fuss because I can’t do what I’ve already told them I couldn’t do. *sigh*

The second write up was for not cleaning the café properly; whipping down cabinets, mopping, whipping down machines, etc. For one thing, the café is never cleaned or stocked when I come in. After months of this, I decided not to care either. So, I stopped breaking my back over things. And maybe that’s not the right way to look at it, but I’m just too damn tired to care any more. After tying to pull my job, and help all the other departments with theirs as I have lately, I don’t care any more. Another thing, I can’t mop. The weight, the swiveling, everything, grates on the nerves in my back and makes my limp worse. I figured I didn’t need to wipe down the cabinets since I was opening the next day. I figured I’d be able to wipe them down before anyone got there the next day. And I would’ve if the manager would’ve been there before me ¬.¬ I suppose I’m being irrational because I’m hurt, but I can’t help that.

After work I came home, took a long shower, and ate with Mom and Dad. Mom had made two of my favorite dishes, green been casserole, and roast beef in a nice brown gravy. For a moment I just let myself enjoy the food. Even the fresh tea tasted so good...maybe it was because I’d hurt so bad...Then I calmly and rationally told Mom and Dad everything that had happened. I could tell that they could tell that something was wrong. Mom asked me when I worked next, and I told her Monday morning. She then told me she thought I should give my two-week notice then. Dad told me I should ‘just quit!’ but it’s very unprofessional. Besides, I’ve worked there two and a half years. I don’t want to be the one making the mistakes on the way out.

So here I sit, typing this sad story up, alternating an ice pack on my throbbing, aching knees, and still very hurt. Even the good food, good counsel, and the fact that I got three packages in today hasn’t helped much. I received two books, Van Helsing and The Dragon and the Border and the first season of Slayers on DVD. Perhaps the antics of <a href="http://www.inverse.org/e/bkg/chars/lina.shtml:>Lina Inverse</a> will help *sigh* and maybe another helping of green casserole...Yes...that’ll probably help. And so, I bid you farewell. And I certainly hope you do fare well.<p><center>MM</center></body></html>

Several points here I really wouldn’t mind touching on. My big brother went into a terrible tail spin after graduation. He decided he didn’t want to go to college, and he didn’t need to listen to our parents any more. Of course that got him kicked out. From graduation night, till he turned 32, he continued down this path, working as a DJ in nightclubs. He had a nice car, which he ran off the road into a ditch, filling the interior with water and ruining it. He left the car in a repair shop for years. So, me, Mom, and any friend that’s willing to lend him a hand, drives him everywhere he needs to go. Then he got thrown into jail (not the first time), for being with people who had drugs. This time though, the jail thing woke him up, and he decided to straighten himself out. He got saved, he started going to church, he decided he wanted to go to college. What interested him most was Areonatics. So now, at 35, he’s living out of state, going to an expensive college, and my parents are footing all the bills.

Now that you’ve gotten aquanted with my brother, I’ll go on. Mom spent most of the rest of the morning, sulkily brooding on the chewing-out she received. She quit exercising, demanded that she and Dad get the bills together and pay them, then proceeded to go on and on about how she can’t remember anything, and it’s time for her to stop paying all the bills and taking care of the check book and finances. Mom has terrible self esteem (worse than mine even -.-) and her first born child chewing her out over the phone first thing in the morning caused the whole morning to go bad. Dad and I pretty much didn’t say much, only walking around on autopiolet.

She and Dad went to town for the rent money, Bub’s girl friend came over to wire it over to him, and then Mom and Dad loaded up the old refrigerator in the truck to go to my Aunt Annie’s (one of Mom’s sisters. She’s 1 of 15 kids o.O). She seemed a lot better when they left.

So, I got on the computer, worked on Sloths Gone Mad again, and then tried (once again) to organize my thoughts on how to organize the magic system in my world (btw, MM’s working incessantly on her own original story in her own world).

Then my boss calls and asks if I can come in for café. She says that one of the workers (who I really like) had a death in the family and they needed some help. So, I figured I’d do it; to help my friend and make money? How could I resist? *sighs* The night was terrible. Since they sent like 3 people home when the business was dead, I had to work in three separate locations. I was supposed to work in café, but I ended up more in game room (MM works at a theater.) But at the end of the night my boss gave me two passes to eat at Chick Fillet. So I guess it’s ok. Doesn’t help that I have to go to work again tomorrow. Oh well. Next paycheck should be good.

And so here I am, finally out of the shower, and debating on whether or not I should eat that Tender Crisp Chicken Sandwich I bought (at Burger King. See, Twin-san, BK does have some good things). But either way, I guess I’ll go ahead and post up the next quiz and call it a night. Goodnight.

You scored as Unicorn. You are the Unicorn. You are very creative, sensitive, understanding, open-minded and enjoys nature. </td> Unicorn 75% Dragon 67% Griffin 58% What Mythical Creatrue Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

Well here I am, sad, lonely and hurt, and it’s partial my fault. Here I’ve been pining away for my Twin for all these months, thinking she missed me, but couldn’t find the time between work, school and her family and friends to get to me...and really it wasn’t like that.

She and I tried to get together the past week on Tuesday. We haven’t really had a good get together since...late October...In November she was always saying “Meet at the usual time.” And I’d always be on and she’d always be somewhere else. By late November I never expected her to actually be on, but I was hopeful. December I was always getting on, just in case she’d be there. She wasn’t.

By January, I figured I’d been loyal enough, and I wasn’t going to feel guilty if I actually missed her, if she decided to get online. She didn’t surprise me, she never got online. Now it’s February, and I guess I’m a fool for expecting all this to change.

She wrote an excuse as to why she couldn’t meet Tuesday...and I accepted it. I am her friend after all; I’m supposed to be faithful to her. The problem is that I’m possibly too faithful. I wrote back, and was quite embarrassed to be written back by her sister, in forming me my Twin isn’t the girl she makes herself appear to be.

She has been lying about her Parents and Sister’s nature and her own. She’s been making excuses as to why she couldn’t meet me that aren’t real. She’s been spending time with her boy friend and everyone else doesn’t seem to matter any more. I was in denial at first...but after thinking about it, I realized it must be a least a bit true...I’ve gone through hurt, resign, and now I’m not exactly sure where I am, but I’m trying to be over it. I’ve been lied to and my trust has been betrayed. It probably wouldn’t be so bad, if I didn’t really care about this person.

So now what? Well, I’m staying silent for now. If she cares enough to read my journal then I suppose that shows some hope. If not, I’m now talking to Mizu and trying to actually focus on those around me who actually do care enough to talk to me on a regular basis. But tomorrow is sure to come early, and I feel my meds kicking in. I suppose I’ll see if the old saying is true, and things do look better in the morning. But till then. That’s all she wrote.