OCD+ADD=OMG



FAMILY

[] I’ve sworn at my parents.

[] I’ve run away from home.

[] I’ve been kicked out of the house.

[x] My biological parents are together.

[] I have a sibling less than one year old.

[] I want to have kids someday.

[] I want to adopt someday.

[] I’ve lost a child.



SCHOOL/WORK

[] I’m in school

[] I have a job.

[x] I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.

[x] I almost always do my homework.

[x] I’ve missed a week or more of school.

[] I’ve been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.

[] I failed more than 1 class last year.

[] I’ve stolen something from my job

[x] I’ve been fired.



EMBARRASSMENT

[x] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.

[x] Disney movies still make me cry.

[x] I’ve snorted while laughing.

[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.

[] I’ve glued my hand to something

[] I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.

[] I’ve had my trousers rip in public.



HEALTH

[] I was born with a disease/impairment.

[x] I’ve gotten stitches.

[] I’ve broken a bone.

[x] I’ve had my tonsils removed.

[] I’ve sat in a doctors office with a friend.

[x] I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.

[x] I had a serious surgery.

[x] I’ve had chicken pox.

[] I have/had asthma.



TRAVELING

[x] I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.

[] I’ve been on a plane.

[] I’ve been to Canada.

[] I’ve been to Mexico.

[] I’ve been to Niagara Falls.

[] I’ve been to Japan.

[] I’ve Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

[] I’ve been to Europe.

[] I’ve been to Africa.



EXPERIENCES

[] I’ve gotten lost in my city.

[x] I’ve seen a shooting star.

[x] I’ve wished on a shooting star.

[x] I’ve seen a meteor shower.

[] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.

[x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator

[] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.

[] I’ve been to a casino.

[] I’ve been skydiving.

[] I’ve gone skinny dipping.

[] I’ve played spin the bottle.

[] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.

[] I’ve crashed a car.

[] I’ve been Skiing

[x] I’ve been in a play.

[x] I’ve met someone in person from the internet.

[x] I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.

[] I’ve seen the Northern Lights.

[] I’ve sat on a roof top at night.

[] I’ve played chicken.

[x] I’ve played a prank on someone.

[] I’ve ridden in a taxi.

[] I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] I’ve eaten Sushi.

[] I’ve been snowboarding.



RELATIONSHIPS

[x] I’ve gone on a blind date.

[x] I miss someone right now.

[x] I have a fear of abandonment.

[] I’ve gotten divorced

[] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.

[] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

[] I’ve told someone I loved them and didn’t get a clear response.

[x] I’ve felt rejected even if I wasn’t.

[x] I’ve loved someone I knew a friend was already in love with.




HONESTY

[] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.

[] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.

[] I’ve snuck out of my house.

[] I have lied to my parents about where I am.

[] I am keeping a secret from the world

[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.

[x] I’ve cheated on a test.

[] I’ve been suspended from school.




BAD TIMES

[] I’ve consumed alcohol.

[] I regularly drink.

[] I can’t swallow pills.

[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.

[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.

[x] I shut others out when I’m depressed.

[] I take anti-depressants.

[] I have been diagnosed with anorexia or bullimia.

[] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.

[] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.

[x] I’ve woken up crying.



DEATH

[x] I’m afraid of dying.

[x] I hate funerals.

[] I’ve seen someone dying.



MATERIALISM

[] I own over 5 rap CDs.

[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.

[x] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.

[x] I own something from Hot Topic.

[] I own something from Pac Sun.

[] I collect comic books.

[] I own something from Abercrombie.



RANDOM

[] I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.

[] I open up to others easily.

[x] I watch the news.

[] I don’t kill bugs.

[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.

[] I curse regularly.

[x] I sing in the shower.

[] I am a morning person.

[] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.

[x] I obsess over grammar.

[] I am a sports fanatic.

[] I twirl my hair

[] I have “x”s in my screen name

[] I love being neat

[] I love Spam.

[] I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day

[x] I can cook.

[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, black or blue.

[] I would wear pajamas to school.

[x] I like Martha Stewart.

[x] I know how to shoot a gun.

[] I am in love.

[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.

[x] I laugh at my own jokes.

[x] I eat fast food weekly.

[] I believe in ghosts.

[] I am online a lot, even as an away message.

[] I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.

[] I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.

[] I can’t sleep if there is a roach in the room.

[] I am really ticklish.

[x] I love white chocolate

[x] I bite my nails.

[x] I play video games.

[] I’m good at remembering faces.

[] I’m good at remembering names

[] I’m good at remembering dates.

[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.


1. Real name → Tracie

2. Nickname(s)→ MsMoon, Ane-san, Yaviel

3. Zodiac sign → Libra (the Scales) for Western. The Boar for Eastern.

4. Male or female → Female

5. Elementary → er, Liberty Christian Academy, Houma Christian, Couteau Bayou Blue, and Bayou Blue Elementary

6. Middle School → Raceland Jr. High and then Home Schooled

7. High School→ Home schooled

8. Hair color → Light brown, though my Dad says there's red in it too...

9. Long or short → Shortish

10. Loud or Quiet → quiet please

11. Sweats or Jeans → Jeans

12. Phone or Camera → That would depend upon several variables... No one really calls me much, but I'd feel insecure without my phone tho...like...something would go wrong because I don't have it <..<' I hate that. I know I lived without a cell phone ages ago.

13. Health freak → Not so much

14. Drink or Smoke? → No

15. Do you have a crush on someone? → Not at preasent

16. Eat or Drink → ...doesn't everyone?

17. Piercings → Just my ears, and that's really recent.

18. Tattoos → No.

HAVE YOU EVER?

19. Been in an airplane→ No

20. Been in a relationship → No

21. Been in a car accident → Yes

22. Been in a fist fight → Not really. A punch thrown here and there hardly counts as a fist fight.

FIRSTS:

23. First piercing → Ears when I was a baby but then they got infected and I let them stay closed up till I was 26 and got them pierced again...

24. First best friend → o..o probably Stacey

25. First award → <..< I got a gold star for a picture of a doggy I drew in first grade...

26. First crush → Hell if I remember

28. First big vacation → Er, Disney world... when I was... like...8? I don't remember when it happened exactly. I'd love to go back :D 

29. Last person you talked to → ...probably Mom

30. Last person you texted → Scamp

31. Last person you watched a movie with → ...Mom

32. Last food you ate → Er, breakfast! Sausage egg and cheese sandwich

33. Last movie you watched → Ghostbusters :D ...at the theater? Iron Man 2

34. Last song you listened to → Rebirthing by Skillet

35. Last thing you bought → Bath and Bodyworks stuffs

36. Last person you hugged → ....probably Mom

FAVES:

37. Food → Sushi, cinnamon TOAST, roast beef with mashed potatoes, fried chicken, country fried steak, steak, green bean casserole, and many many other things.

38. Drinks → water, coffee, tea

39. Clothing → comfortable stuffs.

40. Books → yes please?

41. Music → Thousand Foot Krutch, Vertical Horizon, Styx, Pink, Tarja, and dear gawd, so much more :)

42. Flower → buttercups

43. Colors → blue, purple, green, red

44. Movies → too many to list

45. Positions → ...quoi?

46. Subjects → Literature <..<

IN 2009..... I

47. [] kissed in the snow

48. [x] celebrated Halloween

49. [] had your heart broken

50. [] went over the minutes on your cell phone

51. [x] someone questioned your sexual orientation

52. [] came out of the closet

53. [] gotten pregnant (been trying for years but nothing)

54. [] had an abortion

55. [] done something you've regretted

56. [] broke a promise

57. [] hid a secret

58. [x] pretended to be happy (only so that no one would worry -..-)

59. [] met someone who changed your life

60. [] pretended to be sick 

61. [] left the country

62. [] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it

63. [x] cried over the silliest thing (always doing that -..-)

64. [] ran a mile

65. [] went to the beach with your best friend

66. [x] stay single the whole year

CURRENTLY:

67. Eating → beef jerky

68. Drinking → water

69. I'm about to → hell if I know

70. Listening to → nothing

71. Plans for today → clean the church

72. Waiting for → nothing

YOUR FUTURE:

73. Want kids? → no thanks

74. Want to get married? → doubtful but yes

75. Careers in mind → radiologist

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY?

76. Lips or eyes → eyes

77. Shorter or taller? → Taller men seem more appealing, but from what I understand (from reliable sources), shorter men have better leverage.... did I just type that? Oh dear..

78. Romantic or spontaneous → romantic (but not in the nauseous way)

79. Nice stomach or nice arms → Both?

80. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive (also, not in the nauseous way)

81. Hook-up or relationship → relationship

82. Trouble-maker or hesitant → hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

83. Lost glasses/contacts → No, but I'm so blind sometimes I can't find them right away...

84. Ran away from home → No.

85. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → No, just in practice

86. Killed somebody → ...I do not recall :3

87. Broken someone's heart → Not that I'm aware of

88. Been arrested → No

89. Cried when someone died → duh

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself → Sometimes

91. Miracles → yes

92. Love at first sight → no

93. Heaven → yes

94. Santa Claus → no

95. Sex on the first date → Personally, for myself? No. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen for other people.

96. Kiss on the first date → If you know the guy really well before you start dating, then sure.... otherwise no.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Romantically? No.

98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → Not really

99. Do you believe in God → Yes

100. This is the 100th and last. → Excellent.

For some odd reason it made me feel much the same as when I first got my table. Like...my kitchen was suddenly more complete. For ages now, my mother has made tea - her own special kind, usually made unique by combining 2 flavors - and kept a huge pitcher of said tea in her fridge so that we could have iced tea whenever we wanted. So, for some odd reason it felt like another piece of a puzzle coming into view. When I got my kitchen table, I was so excited... not because I'm a stickler for sitting and eating at the table, but because my parents kitchen always had a table. We would always eat at the table as a family... and having a table of my own made me feel like I had been closer to my parents somehow. Does that make sense?

Well anyway. It sent me into somewhat of a fit, and I started bustling around my kitchen. I made sure everything was out of the way and set Harvey to work on the floor. Then......I went through my fridge o..o It's been a while since I cleaned out my fridge. I'm one of those girls that's fairly content to let things be. I don't clean unless I feel it's necessary. And as such I'll go ahead and let something sit until it's actually bothering me, and I have to change it. So...there were several things in my fridge that I could not (at first) identify. I dumped all the old food, now transitioned to several stages of mold cultures. But I am happy to report that not only do I have a pitcher, I also have room in my fridge for my pitcher :)

This is one of those insignificant things that happens in life that eventually, I'm pretty sure I won't even care about... but it makes me feel wonderful right now... so. I'm writing to remind myself.... Sometimes, you have to treasure the little things.

Goodnight.

Take a look at my Tweetin' :3



I said, and I quote, "What's all this I hear about boycotting BP? So because one rig made a huge mistake we're going to put millions into unemployment? Geeze -..-" I followed a statement that 'BP had to be punished' with "That's a tad illogical. BP is a company. The crew on the rig are the ones who made the mistake. I'm guessing they are paying. And no ammount of punishment will fix the problem -..-" This is a statement that I still believe and stand by.


I've always felt that I could discuss anything with Scamp, because we've always discussed anything with one another before. We didn't always agree, but it didn't seem to matter. I thought her friendship was worth more than our differences... which is how I see all my friends. But then this came up and she seemed to get furious with me... Several things were said. I felt that I stated my opinions objectively. But Scamp said several things as well, and a lot of it seemed as though is was to purposefully hurt me.



She posted that she didn't want 'to hear people on their high horse, preaching' which I certainly didn't think I was doing. I thought I was stating my opinion. She also said that since I'm not physically there I have no right to my opinion... which is not only ludicrous, but hurtful. So, because I've moved that means the place I was born and raised in, the place I spent 25 years growing in, and learning how to live life in, is suddenly none of my business? I can't have an opinion about it because I've moved? I replied with "dont think for an instant that I've forgotten the wetlands. I just understand that no ammount of punishment will make it right. You can punish BP all you want. When your villian is gone, you'll still have oil in your wetlands. Forgive me for seeing a biger picture. It'll only put millions of families into unemployment if you just focus on punishment." She said that she was 'standing up for people who couldn't stand up for themselves'.... to which I replied, "And btw, this is a discussion over twitter. You aren't really standing up for anyone. You're tweeting"... she then said that if I was there she'd say it to my face, which ... wasn't what I meant at all. After all, saying or not saying anything to my face doesn't really qualify as 'standing up for' anyone or anything. It's just talking. To stand up for anything, it actually requires that you do something. And all we were doing was talking.



I was then told that I shoved Christianity down her throat, another thing I don't remember, and that our friendship was under a strain...another thing I was unaware of. I loved it when she'd text me and ask me to listen to her talk about her ideas... I loved working through those ideas with her until she reached a conclusion. And she helped me too. I'd always thought of her as my friend despite our difference and I thought she considered me the same... distance was never an issue either. At least not to me.

She then ended the whole thing with a simple 'see you' and deleted her Twitter account.




I was hurt by everything that was said, but I breathed through it and reasoned that she's probably too sensitive about the issue right now (at least, the whole BP oil spill issue) to look at it objectively, being in the thick of it and all. It still hurt that she couldn't see that any fool who turned on the news, and understood that area, would see and be affected by the situation. I swear, I saw the pictures on the Yahoo news page of the brown pelican covered in oil and I just collapsed into sobs...I told myself to just let her breath, take a breath myself... feel the pain and hope that some time would help us both....



Then Scamp posted a huge entry in her journal saying, essentially, that her friends never treated her as well as she thought, and it was only in looking back that she realized it. She mentioned that some of them talked behind her back, and she always heard about it, and she said that people saw her as a friend of leisure...she also said that some people complain that their friends forget them and she didn't understand why they treated her the same way. She didn't name names, I noticed and after reading it I concluded that it had nothing to do with me. There was another few posts, one of which was deleted, but I still was too hurt to comment. I couldn't say anything because every time it just hurt and depressed me.



But then I began to wonder.... is she talking about me? Because that can't really be possible. I treat her badly? I neglect her? I talk behind her back? I treat her as a friend of leisure? No... I certainly wasn't a friend of leisure every time she mentioned that she needed a break and I drove 4 hours to pick her up and bring her to my place. Considering gas prices, it wasn't convenient but it was always worth it because being with her is fun and I always enjoyed it, despite the fact that I had to go out of my way and get her. I would say it also wasn't 'convenient' to pay for everything - every meal and every movie we went to. And believe me, meals at Zen weren't always cheap. And the many gifts that I got for her? The 50th anniversary edition Lord of the Rings and leather-bound Hobbit (books I didn't have for myself, I bought them for myself later). Or I wouldn't say that I'd forgotten about her when I won the once a month drawing for Figure Prints and automatically thought, "I gotta get Fallena for Scamp!!".... These were all things that I just did without even thinking about them, because it just seemed natural. I certainly don't remember ever talking behind her back about her, though I got a few lectures from people about her talking about me and Mom behind our backs.... should I believe all those horrid things that were told to me? 


I texted Reiko, a simple message 'Am I a difficult friend?' She immediately called me back, asking why the hell I would ask. I explained what was going on. There were several 'what!''s  on her part, but I told her to think about it, because I hate to just dismiss someone's words... I asked her if she thought our friendship was strained because we were so far apart. There was a pause and then several expletives later, Reiko had heartily assured me (in her own way) that she couldn't fathom it. That she and I had been friends since she was 9 and that even though we were so different, she'd always thought of me as her closest friend.

I told her that maybe I should call more often, but I feel like I'm the one with no life, so I'd just be bothering everyone. I mean, Reiko has her job and her husband... Scamp has various ailments and I hate the thought that I'd bother her when she's in pain, and she's also got a fiance that she's separated by a greater distance than me, so... I feel like I might call and interrupt them or something... And Chibi...well, Chibi's always been so busy with school and she rarely answers her cell anyway... so. Feeling insignificant has made me hesitant to call, and being ignored a lot has made me feel as though when no one is talking to me nothing is out of order. It's not like I have a lot to report, so why bother calling or e-mailing? 

Reiko told me to call her whenever, and not to even worry about anything. So at the very least, I know that she doesn't feel I've behaved badly (Oh yeah, and Reiko was in Louisiana after a cousin's wedding, and she had the nerve to tell me she was eating crawfish -..- cruel girl). It made me feel a little better, but it still really didn't resolve the issue.

It feels like a tornado I'm just being swept up into, and I keep going round and round and round....And the more I go, the more hurt I am that all those good times are gone. Either way I look at it, I can't help but feel hurt and betrayed and cheated. And because I'm so hurt by it all, I just sit here and tell myself not to react. But I'm not feeling any better. I resolve not to be miserable, but even thinking about it is like gouging and new wound.

I don't really know what to think anymore. I'm just... hurt and confused. And I really just want to take a breath, and go back to how things were. But, I'm not sure if it will anymore...