In the end...

When I was a teen, I had to go through a bunch of things. Lots of people do. It's the teens. I was dealing with my endometriosis and the various treatments and... well. Normal so-called angst. My heart was broken by someone I cared about very much... I know he didn't mean to, but it didn't change the fact. I knew we were just friends. I knew he'd never want me. But it still hurt. After crying so much, and getting sick of it since it didn't help anything, I started telling myself something... something to remind me how things were.

It doesn't matter. No one cares what you think or how you feel.

Over and over, I told that to myself. It was an internal response to anything and everything.

My heart was broken. It doesn't matter. No one cares what you think or how you feel.

I was really irritated that I couldn't understand my schoolwork. It doesn't matter. No one cares what you think or how you feel.

I couldn't ride my horse, because the endometriosis made it too painful. I couldn't stand to see him sitting alone in the paster anymore, but it nearly killed me to sell him. It doesn't matter. No one cares what you think or how you feel.

Over and over and over. It doesn't matter. No one cares what you think or how you feel. You are irrelevant. You are useless. You are worthless. You are unwanted. And no one cares.

...it's been a while since that voice popped up in my head... Not that it really matters.... I guess. I try to tell myself to clam up. Not to say or do anything till it's all over, and I can't feel anything either way.... Because in the end... I just don't matter. 

Tweet-a-lee-dee

Take a look at my Tweetin' :3

 

• 09:58 Queen Anne's Lace has been popping up all over the place. The flower has such an intricate pattern,... dailybooth.com/u/3670h #
• 11:37 Dad finally finished up pouring the foundation for his shed, with some help from the boys and the pastor. #
• 12:10 We're headed to Branson :) #
• 13:32 What's all this I hear about boycotting BP? So because one rig made a huge mistake we're going to put millions into unemployment? Geeze -..- #
• 13:35 @Davlenagain People in general rarely make sense. Suppose they wont try for it now. #
• 13:38 @wotcherscamp That's a tad illogical. BP is a company. The crew on the rig are the ones who made the mistake. I'm guessing they are paying. #
• 13:39 And no ammount of punishment will fix the problem -..- #
• 13:43 @ShinnodaDude Six letters: google. It's major news. #
• 13:44 This should sound out to other oil companies the importance of saftey regulations... My dad's rig just did that procedure with no problems. #
• 13:45 Countless rigs do that, but they follow the safety regulations. #
• 13:48 @wotcherscamp It's illogical because punishing BP as a whole will involve punishing people in no way connected to this. #
• 13:49 @wotcherscamp If your dad worked for BP he'd be out of a job, and through no fault of his own. #
• 13:51 @wotcherscamp dont think for an instant that I've forgotten the wetlands. I just understand that no ammount of punishment will make it right #
• 13:54 You can punish BP all you want. When your villian is gone, you'll still have oil in your wetlands. Forgive me for seeing a biger picture. #
• 14:04 It'll only put millions of families into unemployment if you just focus on punishment. #
• 14:08 @wotcherscamp You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were actually picking a fight when all I did was state a simple opinion. #
• 14:13 @wotcherscamp All I said is that punishing everyone connected to BP wont solve any one's problem. Still fail to see where that's wrong. #
• 14:16 @wotcherscamp And btw, this is a discussion over twitter. You aren't really standing up for anyone. You're tweeting. #
• 14:19 By the way, having a dad who works in the oil field. BP is already spending millions a day to plug this hole. #
• 14:25 That's odd. I thought I was asking you to objectively look at something and see more than your own part of the problem. I appologize. #
• 14:34 @wotcherscamp You're the one getting worked up over this, not me. I'm just stating my opionion. It doesn't bother me that we disagree. #
• 14:41 @Davlenagain Tell me about it. Dad working in the industry gives us a unique view into that business. #
• 15:23 Why hello Branson Landing. #
• 15:44 Just got through shopping at Belk. I'm set for about a year, and, dear God, but it was much needed. #
• 17:10 Home. Fixing a home spa thingie up for Mom :) #
• 17:17 So tired... and so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I actually can't wait till my doctor's appointment -..- #
• 17:24 This is a picture my dad took of me and my horse Rocky. I was probably about 16 or 17, so this was about 10... dailybooth.com/u/36drq #
• 18:21 It doesn't matter anymore... #
• 21:23 Gawd...I have the worst sinus head ache now =..= #
• 21:25 =..= Gotta remember tomorrow to try and forget today. If Mom starts to think I'm depressed, she'll get worried. #
• 21:27 Can't wait till I can shower... #
• 22:10 there's a point where you just don't deserve anything you're going through. #
• 22:52 Towels are washed and put away. Must shower now. Early morning tomorrow =..= #

I text way too much, yo :D

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter