msmoon | Get me offa this ride (Reply)

Beware, for I am: Anxious

Anxious

Wow. Today’s been a roller-coaster ride if ever there was one. It started off great, then was mildly annoying to absolutely painful, to surprisingly peaceful and fun to slightly anxious...But I don’t want to touch on the beginning or even some parts of the middle. Too weird and depressing and angsty and...emo. Can’t have that. So, without further ado, the good stuff.

I’d pretty much convinced myself that Max could, in fact, understand human speech until tonight. The other day, it was about to rain and Mom told me that she’d taken him out but he hadn’t done anything. So I took him out into the yard and I said, “Max, it’s about to rain. I understand you’re particular and all, but you should probably take care of business now. Lord only knows how long the rain’ll last and you certainly don’t want to have to use it in a mess like that.” Max promptly sniffed around in a circle and did his business. Both businesses actually... Then, I’m walking him around the yard this afternoon, and Rex (my Uncle Charles and Aunt Doris’s dog) sees him and of course starts barking. Max looks up and quickly becomes distracted. I roll my eyes and say, “Pay attention to what you’re doing.” And he returns to his sniffing and continues on. Seriously. That’s when I got to wondering about this dog. Tonight, Mom’s at prime timers and I’m laying in bed with my door open so that I can see Max while I watch TV. I hear some crumpling and sniffing and I realize he’s gone under my bed. I say, “Max, I don’t want you under my bed.” He emerges from my bed and looks over at me as if to say, “oh really? I’m sorry...” Of course, later tonight he ruined it when I calmly asked him if he wanted to go outside. He just stared at me blankly, but then when I went to get his leash he was all prance. Totally broke the ‘he can understand me’ spell -_-

Ok, so the thing that has me so anxious tonight...I kinda wrote a letter and an e-mail...to Ellen. Ellen DeGeneres that is...I addressed the letter to her Crazy Dream department, but the e-mail will be logged under questions. It was basically me introducing myself and then asking for help with writing my book and making a movie about said book. Although I’d want to make my movie first then put out the book. I’m sure you all know my theory on that whole thing so I won’t bother mentioning it. At the end of the request I admitted that it was a bit far-fetched and if it was too much, would she mind helping me figure out how to copyright my original ideas like the idea for my MM’s Jellies stationary as a consolation. I figure I have nothing to loose by trying, right?

So the letter isn’t even sent, and I’m already anxious and freaked. I really hope I can forget about it quickly so that I won’t spend too much time agonizing over a response. It’s just that I feel like I’m treading water, and I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t feel like I have the energy to move forward on my book because I can’t summon the energy to work on it and be the responsible adult that my parents want me to be. Things were so much easier when I was in college. Why is that? Why was it so easy for me to dream up things in college and now that I’m working they’re so much harder? I did most of my character work in college. I dreamed up the thousands of characters that inhabit my world and gave them names and colors and voices, but I can’t put life into them now. I feel useless and restless...but I don’t know what to do to help myself and I don’t know who to ask to help me...

Here I said I didn’t want this to turn into an emo/complaint entry and it seems to have done so anyway. But it’s my journal. So there. You could’ve stopped reading a while ago (and you probably have -.-). But anyway, that was today. I think I’ll go watch more of Batman till I get too tired to stay awake. G’night.

Oh! I totally forgot this! Today, while I was making copies, one of my coworkers from downstairs actually started asking me about myself. The dialog went a little something like this:

Coworker: “So, do you drink?”

Me: “No.”

Coworker: *thinks* “Do you go out?”

Me: “No.”

Coworker: *thinks* “So...what do you do at nights?”

Me: “I stay home and get on the internet or read or manage my web site...shut up.”

Coworker: “No really...” *snickers* “So...do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “No. I have enough problems.”

Coworker: *nods and leaves for a few minutes only to come back* “So...why don’t you go out?”

Me: “I just figure why bother.”

Coworker: “I think you should go out with us sometime. *smirk*”

Me: “I’m scared...”

Coworker: “Why are you scared?”

Me: “I’m scared of whatever influences you may want to try on me.”

Coworker: “Hey, I don’t do anything illegal...before 10.”

Me: “Right. I just figure, I don’t like to drink, and I don’t want a boyfriend so what’s the point in going to clubs?”

Coworker: “You don’t want a boyfriend?”

Me: “No.”

Coworker: *thinks* “...Do you want a girlfriend?”

Me: “...no way. I couldn’t ever do that. Women are crazy.”

Other coworker: “Ok, that’s enough. This is insane...”

Me: “I second that.” -.-

I need to get a shirt that says “Does not mix well with others” on it or something -.-’’’’’

You Are: 20% Dog, 80% Cat

You are are almost exactly like a cat. You're intelligent, independent, and set on getting your way. And there's no way you're going to fetch a paper for anyone!

Are You More Cat or Dog?

PS: mmhhmmmm….Batman...#___#