ECI - The First is Always the Hardest

[msmoon]

OK! I am done stressing and slaving over my paper! I’m going to turn it in tomorrow and that’s just all there is to it. My teacher will probably hate it/me, but he asked me to write about something personal and I don’t do academic writing about personal stuff TYVM. So here it is.

The Assignment: Write a 2 &1/2 page paper (double spaced lines) about how your environment influenced your personality.

The Self-Made Outcast

Going for any social science class is a strange and puzzling process. If you spend any amount of time trying to truly understand the course material, you find yourself asking ambiguous and sometimes broad questions. What factors motivate us to behave as we do as a society, within our small social groups, and as individuals? I am uncertainly whether one personality trait is central to my character, or whether or not various ticks, peers and environmental factors influence me towards developing that trait. I have never seen myself as a social creature. I wouldn't call it a distinct need for isolation or an aversion to all social situations, however if I have a choice at all I much prefer my own company. Despite enjoying the companionship of friends and family, I am more antisocial in nature, preferring not to interact socially at all. I have to wonder at times what it is that shaped this trait. I have little doubt that being content within my own daydreams, having a conservative Christian upbringing, and engaging in more receptive internet communities have all helped to fuel my antisocial tendencies.

Even as a child, I found my mind was a more fantastic and interesting source of enjoyment than the company of people. My parents, as careful as they were, believed all cartoons were child’s play. Because of that, I got to enjoy mature fantasies such as The Flight of Dragons, The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, Watership Down, and The Hobbit. They were fantastic and amazing worlds of wonder full of dynamic and engaging people! How could ordinary people possibly compare to amazing dragons and wizards? At that point I made up my mind. People weren’t interesting, and I would be much better off dreaming up fantastic things just like Lewis and Dickson and Tolkien had done. My mother often took me to a neighbor or fellow church goer’s house and introduced me to other girls my own age. It was her hope that we would all become friends and play together as normal children do. I would very quickly decide that nothing these girls had to say was even mildly interesting. I would put myself in some corner and color by myself while the other girls talked, giggled and ran about. As I grew, I not only learned that people were uninteresting, but they were also cruel. To escape from a harsh classroom that had already labeled me ‘the freak’, I created my own fantasy world full of fantastic people. They were kind and noble and vivid, but most importantly they weren’t cruel Maybe one day, this self-made outcast will do justice to those dreams.

My parents practically gave birth to me in the church, or they would have if that were allowed. Dad and Mom were both devout Christians in the assemblies of God church, and I can’t even remember a time when Sundays and Wednesdays weren’t days that revolved around church services. By the time I’d gotten into Sunday School, I could quote back Bible stories to my teacher better than she could teach them. Every message was ‘Jesus Loves you’ and ‘Thou Shalt Not’. That kind of upbringing certainly made clear what types of behavior was good and what was frowned upon. Of course, it also gave a body something to aspire to. And what could possibly be wrong with having high standards and wanting to live up to them? It’s my experience, however, that people don’t generally like it when you walk around abstaining from vices. It makes them feel judged and looked down upon. That weird freak that skulked alone in her corner turned into a religious nutcase that hated heathens. At least, that’s what everyone believed.

As I got older, I found “socializing” over the internet to be much better (and easier) than actually meeting new people. A computer makes for an amazing conduit into a (sometimes) welcoming social network. When you’re online, no one cares how your hair looks or if you’re wearing makeup. All that matters is who you are and what you have to say. As I said earlier, I tend to think that people can be a bore by themselves, but there were all these new and exciting possibilities on the internet. It was the safest way to satisfy social needs without the burden of actually being social. All of that was before I had even found out about MMORPGs. Playing internet games always made social situations more fun because there was a while world of quests and adventures to go on. The best thing that the internet allowed was for me to discover that not all people were uninteresting, and that there were communities for ‘self-made outcasts’.

Human beings are very social creatures by nature, and they need interaction with others. I’ve learned this from personal experience. Still, it is already set in me that social situations are generally unpleasant, and it would be better to just be antisocial. You’ll enjoy yourself more if you dream, if you write, if you read, if you abstain, if you play a game. And so, I choose to interact or not, in my own way. It is part of what makes me who I am. I feel smothered when I’m forced to interact with people overmuch, and I much prefer my internet ‘friends’. And that’s what makes people so wonderful; they can surprise you. If you want my overall opinion, not that I like quoting Charlie Brown, but “I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand.”

Aaaand that’s all :) For better or worse. I’ll type later, Sunshines. When I have more energy -..-

 

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You Are Reflective and Thoughtful

You are most comfortable when you are mixing things up a little bit. You like novelty in small doses. You prefer to leave some things to chance. The world is a mysterious place, and you like to embrace the unknown. You have no trouble finding contentment wherever you are in life. You are happy in the now. You believe that if you look closely enough at people, they all have their own unique beauty.

The Ocean Test

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

 

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