msmoon | I don't like crying...it's quite annoying

Well here I am, sad, lonely and hurt, and it’s partial my fault. Here I’ve been pining away for my Twin for all these months, thinking she missed me, but couldn’t find the time between work, school and her family and friends to get to me...and really it wasn’t like that.

She and I tried to get together the past week on Tuesday. We haven’t really had a good get together since...late October...In November she was always saying “Meet at the usual time.” And I’d always be on and she’d always be somewhere else. By late November I never expected her to actually be on, but I was hopeful. December I was always getting on, just in case she’d be there. She wasn’t.

By January, I figured I’d been loyal enough, and I wasn’t going to feel guilty if I actually missed her, if she decided to get online. She didn’t surprise me, she never got online. Now it’s February, and I guess I’m a fool for expecting all this to change.

She wrote an excuse as to why she couldn’t meet Tuesday...and I accepted it. I am her friend after all; I’m supposed to be faithful to her. The problem is that I’m possibly too faithful. I wrote back, and was quite embarrassed to be written back by her sister, in forming me my Twin isn’t the girl she makes herself appear to be.

She has been lying about her Parents and Sister’s nature and her own. She’s been making excuses as to why she couldn’t meet me that aren’t real. She’s been spending time with her boy friend and everyone else doesn’t seem to matter any more. I was in denial at first...but after thinking about it, I realized it must be a least a bit true...I’ve gone through hurt, resign, and now I’m not exactly sure where I am, but I’m trying to be over it. I’ve been lied to and my trust has been betrayed. It probably wouldn’t be so bad, if I didn’t really care about this person.

So now what? Well, I’m staying silent for now. If she cares enough to read my journal then I suppose that shows some hope. If not, I’m now talking to Mizu and trying to actually focus on those around me who actually do care enough to talk to me on a regular basis. But tomorrow is sure to come early, and I feel my meds kicking in. I suppose I’ll see if the old saying is true, and things do look better in the morning. But till then. That’s all she wrote.